The Adequate Writer: Rejection Slips We Have Known and Hated

by eatonhamilton

JEHhand3sketch: Jane Eaton Hamilton 2006

The de-code:

Thank you for sending your work.  It was not suitable for our publication.

Are you fucking kidding us?  You spent $3 at Submittable to send us this?  Giggles all around.

We were pleased to read your work for issue X.  However, we’re sorry to say it was not what we are looking for at this time.

Or any other fucking time since the Big Bang.

(Really.  Long walk, your work in your hand.  Short pier.)

We at X would be pleased to publish your work, however this piece is just too avant garde for us. 

Lesbian.  (Also, what do you guys actually do in bed?)

We published a story very similar to this one just last issue. 

We have a queer-quota and you have surpassed it.  We are so glad we used it up before this landed on our desks.

The editors thank you for submitting this work, but are sorry it is not for us. We know you will understand that the volume of work submitted precludes a more personal reply. 

No, it really doesn’t.  But wtf, we hate your piece and we have to say that somehow.